Restructure,rebuild,restart..

Cleaning out my file..
I discovered there are lots of things I left out..
Haven't done much since that day..
It cannot continue like that..
I must restructure,rebuild and restart everything..

What I feared most happened..
There are lots of things I can blame..
But blaming things doesn't make sense..
And won't correct anything..
I can only blame myself for not being good enough..
The best I can do is accept..move on..

Hope no more..
Think no more..
Those things only happen in movies,fairy tales,stories..
This is reality..and its telling me it ain't gonna happen..
I've learnt a lot..
Changed a lot..

I regret all those things that I did and said when emotions are running high..
I lost my cool..lost my head..
Emotions got control of me..logic is lost..
Thinking back of all those that I did and said since after that day..
Makes me think how much of a fool I am..
Immature,Idiot,Moronic..
But I cannot take back what I said..
I cannot undo whats done..
You're probably disgusted by my actions and words..
You're probably hating me so much..
You'll probably kill me if you could..

I cannot apologize enough..
Words cannot describe how I feel..
I've even lost the courage to contact you..
Stay in your life or leave at once?
Its all up to you..
I know I've left to much mess and destruction to come back again..
And I promise myself I would not make life any harder for you..

Restructure,
Rebuild,
Restart,
Time to get my life back on track..

Hot Water..

Great..
Now you've done it..
You landed yourself in hot water..
It's so deep that you're not gonna survive..

Turning back?
I don't think so..
Apologize?
She's already very pissed..

What can you do now?
There's nothing you can do..
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst..

Again you've let your emotions get the better of you..
Idiot..
Now you've really done it..
You've almost gotten yourself killed..
Great..just great..
I hope you've learnt your lesson..
Maybe..
Just maybe one day you'll both look back at this and laugh..
But I don't think so..
You've just lost a friend..

手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏
人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台
有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌
写着等待
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开
我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

Only Love

2a.m, and the rain is falling.
Here we are at the crossroads once again.
You are telling me you're so confussed.
You can't make up your mind.
Is this meant to be..you're asking me?
But only love can say,
Try again or walk away.
But I believe for you and me,
The sun will shine one day.
So I just play my part,
Pray you'll have a change of heart.
But I can't make you see it through.
That's something only love can do.
In your arms, as the dawn is breaking,
Face to face and a thousand miles apart.
I've tried my best to make you see,
There's hope beyond the pain.
If we give enough, if we learn to trust.
I know if I can find the words, to touch you deep inside,
You'd give our dream just one more chance.
Don't let this be our last good-bye.

Memory Lane

I walked down memory lane today....
Today class finished at 2pm..
Dad can't come and he asked me whether I wanted to wait or find own way home..
I choose the latter..
I went to take a bus with She Yeng and her friend..
We then boarded a LRT at Wangsa Maju..

Lots of memories came back..
Especially when we passed through Masjid Jamek...
Where I got my first peck on the cheeck form her..

Passed through KLCC...
Where we first hold hands and she leaned on my shoulder...

I then dropped off at KL Sentral..
Took a KTM to Mid Valley..another memory lane..
Went to visit Adam..
Went pass the cinema..
Where we que-ed up to buy tickets and watched movies in the past..
Too bad I din't have time to go to The Gardens's GSC Signature..
Where I treated you to a movie with my NS allowance..

Went pass Delicious..
Where we had our first dinner together..
The table that we sat at is still there =')
A small table beside the entrance of the kitchen..
I stood outside and just took a glimpse of that table..
Brings back so many memories =')

Went pass 3point6..
Where we bought my pair of Nike sneakers..together =')
Which I wear everyday now..

Went pass Sushi King..
Where our Senja Gang gathered 2 years ago..
Also Kenko Fish Spa..
Where our Senja Gang visited 2 years ago..

Went pass Baskin Robbins...
Where you treated me with you salary..

Too bad I can't find the Watsons where our Senja Gang was supposed to meet at 2 years ago XD

As I was walking through all these places..
I was smiling.. =')
So much memories just in one place..one shopping mall..
But all those moments are just memories now..
Didn't expect that you'd leave me so soon =')

Walking through all these places..
Re-living all these memories made me so happy..
I cannot deny that I wish you would come back into my life..
But I cannot be so selfish as to not take into account your feelings towards me..

I don't know..
I can't predict the future..
Will you be back in the future?
Will I ever see you again?
Will we ever meet by chance?
Was that day the last that I would see you in my life?
Will I find another? Will you?
If you do..I know all these memories might turn sour..
But until that day comes..
Or at least for now..
I'm happy with these memories.. =')

Thanks for the memories..
I do miss you til now..
I do still have feelings for you..
Thanks..my angel =')

Feeling..

What more can I say??
Other than I'm sooo going to miss you?
Knowing that we could've been to the same college just makes it so much harder to let go..
(; _ ; )

I'm trying my best to be strong..
I'm trying my best..
But I just crumble..

I need you now more than ever..
I need you here..
I need to be in your arms..
I need your words of encouragement..

I know I can't stop you..
And I can;t be so selfish..
I'm happy for you..
But deep down inside..
The selfish little me is just wishing..
BABY DON'T GO!!

(; _ ;)

National Service

I'm back from the camp..
There's an awful lot to write about..
If I am willing to write it all out that is..

Life in camp is good..
Good food..
Good environment..
Good friends..
And there are also lots of fun activities..

But things that are bad in there are:
-Some bastard trainees that wreak havoc..
-The camp service provider is bad
-The camp's service provider's workes is bad..

The schedule of a trainee in Camp Semarak:

- 5.30 Solat subuh(muslims only.non-muslim can sleep til 6.00 o'clock)

- 6.30-7.30 PT (physical training..morning is for excercises and jogging)

- 7.30-8.30 Breakfast (you really only have time to eat til 8..coz you still have to prepare for class)

-8.30-10.30 CB class/Integration class/Kenegaraan Class

-10.30-11.00 Morning tea

-11.00-12.30 Continue class

-12.30-2.30 Lunch (for muslim they have time til 1.30 then they go for prayers..for non-muslims eat as fast as you can so you can go back to your dorm for some sleep)

-2.30-4.30 PT (evening is for tali tinggi/kayaking/kembara halangan and whatever physical activities)

-4.30-5.30 Evening tea

-5.30-6.30 Riadah (play some sports or just hang around)

-6.30-7.30 Dinner

-9.00-10.00 Simpanan (for use if there are any briefings or lectures or speeches)

-10.00-10.30 Roll Call (headcount)

-10.30-11.00 Supper

-11.00 Lights off..

Items that are issued to trainees:
-2 pairs of baju kelas
-2 pairs of seluar kelas
-1 pairs of kasut kelas
-2 pairs of baju PT
-2 pairs of seluar PT (tracksuits)
-1 pair of kasut PT
-2 pairs of baju celoreng (blue camo)
-2 pairs of seluar celoreng
-1 pair of spike boots
-a towel
-a shoe brush
-kiwi
-a plate/bowl/saucer/spoon/cup
-a padlock and key
-bedsheet
-pillow cover
-blanket

Thats all for now