Happenings

These are basically what happened over the past few weeks..

Went to 1U with Yu Pei, Man Lei, Pei Cze, Wei Jiu and Shirley...
Walked around for the whole day and had dinner..

Went to BBQ at Pui Mun's house with Zhi Kuan, Xiao Ying, Mae Jane, Aki, Mokey, Yu Pei, Man Lei, Suet Ling..
Fun and crazy night..

Went to Zoo Negara with Zhi Kuan, Suet Ling, Yu Pei, Mae Jane and Meng Wei..
Fun and tiring day..
Lots of inside jokes created..

The classmates are getting more and more fun...
I used to think this class sucks...
Guess I'm wrong..
Can't wait for the class trip..
And Sem 2..

Good Mood

The flowers in the porch seems more colourful..

The weather is just right..

Everything seems just right..

Why?

People succeeded in retaining their scholarships? No

People failed to retain their scholarship? Hell No

High marks for GP? No

Nice movie? No

Songs I'm listening to? No

Fell in love? No

Have a crush on someone? No

Pranked someone bad? No

Badminton? No

I don't know the reason..

But I'm just in a good mood..

Haven't felt like this in a long time...

So why suddenly like this?

I don't know...

Sometimes I feel people don't understand me...

But that's ok...

Coz' I don't understand myself too...

HAHAHA....

Training

Long time din play football adi...

Getting more and more sucky..

0% fitness...

Monday start official training with college team..

Although I'm not a part of the team...

I'll just go join as exercise and to learn something..

According to Kenny..the first thing we gonna get is 10 rounds..

Walaoeh...play 1 full match without pancit and cramp oso hard..

10 rounds? I'm Gonna DIEE!!!

LOL! Let's do it anyway... to keep fit...

Alright... Let's get the training started...

Again..

It's acting up again... Why? Is it real..or just temprary? I don't know..
I suspecting something because of the reactions I'm getting..
Felt a lil bit sour when she says she most proabably is gonna change class next sem..
I normally won't even give a damn..So why I do now?
Sometimes I feel like starting new..
Sometimes I feel its not right..

A friend knew I might have something..
Helped spy..She say there's nothing..
I should be happy..
I'm not happy..nor sad..
Just a lil bit relieved and disappointed..
Why?!

Issues

Been having issues lately. Noticed that I am much more ruder than I was before, much more insentive to other people, and my already bad temper has became more and more volatile. I don't now why this is happening. Seems like I'm not forgiving and forgetting, seems like I'm harbouring every sick and twisted thoughs and feelings in myself and releasing it so that it affect the people that are close to me..people that I love,loved and still love.

Believe me when I say I did not choose to be this way. I really care for my family and friends. I know when she comments on my things in FB I'm actually very happy.. But seriously I don't know why everytime I have to be hostile in replying her comments. Feels like I want to hurt her with my sharp words and remarks. Feels like I have the intention to kill, but actually I do still very much care about her, I promised not to open and 'stalk' her FB but in reality I still do every now and then,look at her pictures,what she commented. But why do I have to be hostile towards her every single time she comments?

Days ago..she commented again..and I was hostile again. She then wrote on her FB 'Now I'm sure my decision was not a mistake ^^' or something like that. Upon reading that my heart felt burning, eyes felt tearing, the demons in my body that seems to be taking over felt exorcised. Feels like a stake have been driven through my heart. Made me realise how much of a jerk I was to the person that I loved and still love. I don't know if that comment was directed at me or I was just overloaded with guilt. But it really made me realised I have changed alot since the day we split.

I really wish I could change back to the way I was before.
As for her comment..
Its most probably about me..
And I can confirm that her decision was not a mistake.

如果这就是爱情 If This Is Love

你做了选择 对的错的
You've made the decision Right or wrong
我只能承认 心是痛的
I can only admit My heart is in pain
怀疑你舍得
Suspected that you are willing to
我被伤的那么深
I am deeply hurt
就放声哭了 何必再强忍
Just cry it out There's no need to resist

我没有选择 我不再完整
I don't have a choice I am no longer complete
原来最后的吻 如此冰冷
The last kiss Was actually so cold
你只能默认 我要被割舍
You can only silently agree I am going to be given up
眼看着 你走了
My eyes watched You left

如果这不是结局
If this is not the end
如果我还爱你
If I still love you
如果我愿相信
If I am willing to believe
你就是唯一
You are the only one
如果你听到这里
If you hear this
如果你依然放弃
If you still give up
那这就是爱情
Then this is love
我难以抗拒
How am I willing to resist

如果这就是爱情
If this is love
本来就不公平
It was never fair
你不需要讲理
You don't need to reason
我可以离去
I can leave
如果我成全了你
If I can grant you your wish
如果我能祝福你
If I can bless you
那不是我看清
It's not that I've realised
是我证明 我爱你
It's that I've proved I love you

灰色的天空 无法猜透
The grey sky Unable to complete guess
多余的眼泪 无法挽留
The unnecessary tears Unable to persuade you to stay
什么都牵动 感觉真的好脆弱
Anything can be affected Feeling very weak
被呵护的人
The blessed person
原来不是我
Actually was not me

我不要你走 我不想放手
I don't want you to go I don't want to let go
却又不能够奢求
Yet again I cannot request
同情的温柔
Kindness out of pity
你可以自由 我愿意承受
You can have freedom I am willing to grow up
把昨天 留给我
Yesterday Leave it for me

如果这不是结局
If this is not the end
如果我还爱你
If I still love you
如果我愿相信
If I am willing to believe
你就是唯一
You are the only one
如果你听到这里
If you hear this
如果你依然放弃
If you still give up
那这就是爱情
Then this is love
我难以抗拒
How am I willing to resist

如果这就是爱情
If this is love
本来就不公平
It was never fair
你不需要讲理
You don't need to reason
我可以离去
I can leave
如果我成全了你
If I can grant you your wish
如果我能祝福你
If I can bless you
那不是我看清
It's not that I've realised
是我证明 我爱你
It's that I've proved I love you

The lil' box

The small box on the right side of facebook kept showing you all day long..
I've refreshed,clicked home,opened a new tab..signed out signed in..
It still shows you..
Finally I clicked the close button..
It disappeared..
Only for a sudden urge to go look at your profile..
Look at untagged pics of you at your friend's profile..
Your're beautiful as ever..
I can't get you out of my head for this time being..
I'm dead..
It's over..its been over for 3 months already..
All hope is lost and abandoned..
What more do I want?
I do not know..
I just hope I recover..
Which I thought I already did..