It's acting up again... Why? Is it real..or just temprary? I don't know..
I suspecting something because of the reactions I'm getting..
Felt a lil bit sour when she says she most proabably is gonna change class next sem..
I normally won't even give a damn..So why I do now?
Sometimes I feel like starting new..
Sometimes I feel its not right..
A friend knew I might have something..
Helped spy..She say there's nothing..
I should be happy..
I'm not happy..nor sad..
Just a lil bit relieved and disappointed..
Why?!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Issues
Been having issues lately. Noticed that I am much more ruder than I was before, much more insentive to other people, and my already bad temper has became more and more volatile. I don't now why this is happening. Seems like I'm not forgiving and forgetting, seems like I'm harbouring every sick and twisted thoughs and feelings in myself and releasing it so that it affect the people that are close to me..people that I love,loved and still love.
Believe me when I say I did not choose to be this way. I really care for my family and friends. I know when she comments on my things in FB I'm actually very happy.. But seriously I don't know why everytime I have to be hostile in replying her comments. Feels like I want to hurt her with my sharp words and remarks. Feels like I have the intention to kill, but actually I do still very much care about her, I promised not to open and 'stalk' her FB but in reality I still do every now and then,look at her pictures,what she commented. But why do I have to be hostile towards her every single time she comments?
Days ago..she commented again..and I was hostile again. She then wrote on her FB 'Now I'm sure my decision was not a mistake ^^' or something like that. Upon reading that my heart felt burning, eyes felt tearing, the demons in my body that seems to be taking over felt exorcised. Feels like a stake have been driven through my heart. Made me realise how much of a jerk I was to the person that I loved and still love. I don't know if that comment was directed at me or I was just overloaded with guilt. But it really made me realised I have changed alot since the day we split.
I really wish I could change back to the way I was before.
As for her comment..
Its most probably about me..
And I can confirm that her decision was not a mistake.
Believe me when I say I did not choose to be this way. I really care for my family and friends. I know when she comments on my things in FB I'm actually very happy.. But seriously I don't know why everytime I have to be hostile in replying her comments. Feels like I want to hurt her with my sharp words and remarks. Feels like I have the intention to kill, but actually I do still very much care about her, I promised not to open and 'stalk' her FB but in reality I still do every now and then,look at her pictures,what she commented. But why do I have to be hostile towards her every single time she comments?
Days ago..she commented again..and I was hostile again. She then wrote on her FB 'Now I'm sure my decision was not a mistake ^^' or something like that. Upon reading that my heart felt burning, eyes felt tearing, the demons in my body that seems to be taking over felt exorcised. Feels like a stake have been driven through my heart. Made me realise how much of a jerk I was to the person that I loved and still love. I don't know if that comment was directed at me or I was just overloaded with guilt. But it really made me realised I have changed alot since the day we split.
I really wish I could change back to the way I was before.
As for her comment..
Its most probably about me..
And I can confirm that her decision was not a mistake.
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