Restructure,rebuild,restart..

Cleaning out my file..
I discovered there are lots of things I left out..
Haven't done much since that day..
It cannot continue like that..
I must restructure,rebuild and restart everything..

What I feared most happened..
There are lots of things I can blame..
But blaming things doesn't make sense..
And won't correct anything..
I can only blame myself for not being good enough..
The best I can do is accept..move on..

Hope no more..
Think no more..
Those things only happen in movies,fairy tales,stories..
This is reality..and its telling me it ain't gonna happen..
I've learnt a lot..
Changed a lot..

I regret all those things that I did and said when emotions are running high..
I lost my cool..lost my head..
Emotions got control of me..logic is lost..
Thinking back of all those that I did and said since after that day..
Makes me think how much of a fool I am..
Immature,Idiot,Moronic..
But I cannot take back what I said..
I cannot undo whats done..
You're probably disgusted by my actions and words..
You're probably hating me so much..
You'll probably kill me if you could..

I cannot apologize enough..
Words cannot describe how I feel..
I've even lost the courage to contact you..
Stay in your life or leave at once?
Its all up to you..
I know I've left to much mess and destruction to come back again..
And I promise myself I would not make life any harder for you..

Restructure,
Rebuild,
Restart,
Time to get my life back on track..