CoNfUsED..

I don't know what I want..
Nor how I feel..
Maybe I still do..
Maybe I'm getting over it slowly..
Maybe there is still a remnant of it left..
Maybe its never gone..
I don't know for sure..

I do notice that sometimes I go out of my way to help..
Sometimes I'm playing it cool..
Sometimes I feel you..
Sometimes I don't
I'm so confused,..

Only time can determine..
And decide whether it needs to be fixed..
Or advance on..

真的嗎

離別的話我不想要　現在清楚聽見
而你可以不用回答　什麼都不要說
我的笑容沒有快樂　是否看得出來
昏黃的天別告訴我　快下起雨了

清晨的風貼在臉上　吹乾落下的淚
一整夜的思緒難眠　等待你的回音
愛情沒有太多理由　可以不用要求
但希望你明白了解　真心在這裡

不像你　愛可以　輕鬆
我真的　愛你　愛你
你還是走

I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU
BABY EVERYDAY I MISS YOU
心裡的深處　思念依然在
你真的不再回來

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
BABY EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU
不要讓我懂　真的不想懂
想要躺在你胸口

Killer instinct..

Can you feel it?
The killer instinct,
Every word laced with poison and malice,
Sharp tones,
Fiery vocabulary...

One of the many negatives of me...

Game

This is a cruel game of life that nobody is exempted from,
Everyone has to play it at some point in life,
Its not actually the same for everyone,
For some, its a nice game, average, or cruel like me..

Why is it cruel?
Always when you are about to lose, and you know it, you're about to give up,
It always give you an opening, a chance that you see,
that can turn the game around,
And you get your hopes up, you go the extra mile,
Only to find that opening slowly closing,
The closer you get, the smaller the opening,
The moment you are there, it closes on you..

The world, just falls upon you,
Large pieces of it,
Crushing you, and slowly those pieces crumble into smaller ones,
And finally turn to dust, blown off from you body,
Taking with it, all of the pressure,
You try to wake up, but..
You're just too tired, you've already taken too much damage,
You just wanna' lie there, not moving, just lie there, static..

Rain has some healing properties to it,
Like a magical elixir, curing everything as it drops on you,
*plop* sadness is gone...
*plop* sickness is gone...
*plop* loneliness is gone..
*plop* fear is gone...
*plop* doubt is gone..
At least that's how I'd like it to be,
Every drop, a magical elixir, washes everything off you,
But in reality, its not, its just water, dropping down from the sky,

Its funny, funny how we can talk so openly about what has happened,
I kept asking questions that all along the answers I already had,
Kept wondering about the future, what if history repeats itself, although it surely will not..

I'm already tired, I know its still early game,
Only restarted a few times, still a long way to go,
I know, but its just, I'm tired, I've had enough, for now...
What will happen in the future?
Your guess is as good as mine...

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰 拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到
受不了想到 快疯掉
死不了就还好

Room..

Its been raining all day long...
The whole house is under darkness...
No thanks to mum's selection of dark coloured curtains around the house..
Not a sliver of light is let in without turning on the lights..
My room seems to be the darkest room with windows in the house..
With only a 2 part window facing the back of the house where less sunlight is let in and covered with a thick purple curtain letting even less sunlight in..

Not turning on the lights,
The room is very dark and has a sombre mood to it.
People who are not familiar with my room will probably have difficulty walking about,
For almost 3 years living in this house, this room is where I spent most of my time in,
Gaming,chatting,laughing,crying,sleeping,dreaming,homework, and lot s of other things,
My very own personal world where only select people are let in to share a part of my life..

Some say, the ambience of my room, so dark, is best for sleeping..
Some suggest it is a little creepy with a tinge of sinister..
But for me..the mood of the room changes..
When I'm happy, the room seems more comfortable, very airy..
When I'm not, the room is darker than before, sobre, sinister,

The recent turn of events, the emotional roller coaster ride,
The mood of the room, has turned sombre,
There's an air of despair in the room,
I spent a lot of time, thinking, about what has happened, whats going to,

I don't know why I can't just get over it...
I seem to be languishing around...
The more I stay behind these four walls..
The more I'm losing my mind..

It gets boring here,
The rain dampens the mood,
My sister keeps playing 'Officially Missing You'
The sleepless nights,
I'm losing my mind,
Behind these walls..

Dan Sebenarnya..

Oh bulan,
Enggan melayan diriku lagi,
Pabila air mata membasahi pipi,

Dan lagu-lagu di radio,
Seolah-olah memerli aku,
Pabila kau bersama yang lain,

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta,
Yang masih, bersemadi untukmu,
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan disebalik senyumanmu itu,
Kau juga, merindui aku,

Ku enggan,
Berpura-pura ku bahagia,
Ku enggan,
Melihat kau bersama si dia,
Oh ku akui cemburu,
Mula menular dalam diri,
Pabila kau bersama yang lain,

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta,
Yang masih, bersemadi untuk mu,
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan disebalik senyumanmu itu,
Kau juga merindui aku.

Pabila kau merenung matanya,
Ku rebah, jatuh ke bumi,
Disaat kau benar-benar mahu pergi,
Seperti bernafas dalam air,

Adakah perasaan benci ini sebernarnya cinta,
Yang masih, bersemadi untukmu,
Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan disebalik senyumanmu itu,
Kau juga, merindui aku,

Dan sebenarnya,
Dan sebenarnya,
Aku rindu,

Dan sebenarnya,
Dan sebenarnya,
Aku tak mampu..
Tanpa mu....


* Its funny how I can almost always relate to songs
**And as the lyrics goes.. I'm jealous, of you, going to Giza with him.. >.<

3rd

This is the 3rd post on the same day...
Usually people update their blog to tell about their lives,stories and or events,
But I'm one of those that use my blog as a vent,
To clear all my negativity, release all my frustrations, my feelings,
Rarely about the happy stuff,
That's why I don't write much, cause I'm happy,
But since this is already the 3rd post on the same day,
This means its bad..

There's some kind of niggling feeling inside me,
I can't really tell what it is,
Feels like missing something,
Wanting to do something but don't know what it is,
Feels like a lot to get off my chest,
Feels like a big stone crushing me,
Feels like wanting to talk to someone, but don't know what to talk about,

I'm starting to lose my head,
Why can't I just be those type of guy that can just shrug it off,
Not give a damn, and just walk away,
I hate myself for being like this,
Really not looking forward to sem 2,
I don't know how to face you,

Please get me back to normal,
Please heal me fast,
This is one of the times I just wish I could turn back the time,
And undo everything,

You may like I'm cold towards you,
You may feel like I'm avoiding you,
You may feel like I'm hating you,
But the fact is,
I still do care about you......

Miss

I miss talking with you
Chatting with you
The times on the phone
MSN
I wish we can do it all over again
But I'm tongue-tied
I don't know how to start
I'm at a loss...

Against All Odds

How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace?
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all,

How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave?
'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears,
You're the only one who really knew me at all,

So take a look at me now,
'Cause its just an empty space,
There's nothing left here to remind me,
But the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now,
And there's just and empty space,
And you coming back to me is the odds,
And that what I've got to face,

I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry,
There's so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why,
You're the only one who really knew me at all,

So take a look at now,
Well,there's just an empty space,
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now,
'Cause there's just an empty space,
But to wait for you is all I can do,
Is all I can do,
And that's what I've got to face,

Take a good look at me now,
'Cause I'll still be standing here,
And you coming back to me is against all odds,
And its a chance I've got to take,
Chance I've got to take,got to take,

Take a look at me now,
Take a look at me now,
Take a look at me now.

Heart Sank

Hmmm.....
The feeling inside was true all along...
All the positives friends gave could only hide it..
Not destroy it...
I think I should really learn to trust my feelings by now..

Maybe more time is what we both needed..
Maybe we need to understand each other more..
I don't know..
But rest assured, my feelings were true..
That I can confirm...

What will happen in the future?
Nobody knows..
I hope we won't be avoiding each other...

The reaction from that is worse than expected..
LOL..I don't know why..
My heart sank...