Caring

What is your definition of it?
For me, it simply means, well, caring for a person.. be it family,friends, or that special someone..
Caring for someone doesn't mean you have to tell the whole world about it, do it every single day, or only care when there are big matters..

For me, caring means, talking to that person, wanting to know more about him/her,
Helping that person in any way that I can, talking to them about their problems,
Asking them how did their day go, asking them whenever I know they are unhappy,
Giving advice when they need it, Or just talk to them and give them confidence and re-assurance when they are insecure or in doubt...

Do you have somebody that cares for you? I did once, my ex,
The way she cared for me made me feel so loved..
She would ask me how my day went every night, she would re-assure and give me confidence whenever I am in doubt..

She is also one of the person that understands me the most,
She can tell my mood just by reading my sms-es or the way I structure my sentences on msn
Maybe that's why she came into my life.. To teach me how to care for a person..

Now that we went our separate ways..
Maybe its time to apply what I've learned in my life..

......

Sum Mendax Agitabatur

It was meant to be a joke..
Never thought everyone would take it so seriously..
And I've taken it a step further..by getting deeper and deeper into it..

This is not the first time this has happened..
Its happen before..
But I hope it will never happen again..

The plus point of all these are that I know that they all really care,
Or are curious enough to want to know why..

I'm sorry guys..
Its just a part of me that I have failed to get rid of..yet..
Its things like these that make me want to erase myself from existance and just dissapear into the abyss..

安静了 Silenced

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
I'm left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属于我们的婚礼
The wedding I've dreamt for us

却成了单人结婚进行曲
Has become a solo wedding march

在这场爱情较力的拔河里
In this tug-of-war of love,

爱我还是爱你
Will you love me or yourself?

你选择了自己
You chose yourself

撒娇的可爱的
Childish adorable

粘人的爱哭的
Clingy crybaby

照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
[The person] in the photos is everything you once loved

如今我还在原地
Now I remain at the starting point

你却走回你的记忆
Yet you went back to your memories

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
You said I love you too much, you're almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
You said I give you too much, but you cant give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
Cant tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
Silence is my last act of kindness because I love you so

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
I'm left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属於我们的婚礼
The wedding I've dreamt for us

安静了在我枕边的梦里
Was silenced in the dreams of the person beside me

我知道相爱原本就不容易
I know loving someone isn't easy to begin with

爱不是一加一
Love is not one plus one

努力就有结局
[Where] hard work guarantees a happy ending

撒娇的可爱的
Childish adorable

粘人的爱哭的
Clingy crybaby

照片里曾经的都是爱着你的
[The person] in the photo once loved you

脸颊的泪还温热
The tears on my cheeks are still warm

却没有人握我的手
But no one is here to hold my hand

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
You said I love you too much, you're almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
You said I give you too much, but you cant give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
Cant tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
Silence is my last act of kindness because I love you so....

This sucks...

Stop treating me like a little boy,
I'm not a kid anymore,
All I wanted was to go out and have dinner with friends, classmates,
What is so bad about that?
It's not like I always do that on weekdays,
Whenever I want to go out with college classmates Wei Jiu always has to be there?
Do you think he's so good?
He goes out till early morning, and also skip classes,
DO YOU KNOW THAT?!
Stop treating me like a little kid,
If I really want o go out you think I can't?
Its really easy for me to go anywhere since I have the car keys
I can just drive out early morning to anywhere I want to go and never go to college,
I can just go anywhere after class and come back late and tell you I have meetings,
But did I ever did that?
I respected you,
That's why I didn't do it,
Come on, I'm in college now,
I have a social life,
This is the 21st century, things are not the way they are like in your time,
Please accept that...

I'm sick and tired of this...
No dinner or coming out of my room unless its absolutely necessary,
Don't blame me if in the future I don't have friends anymore.

把昨天 留给我

Do you remember? Once upon a time,
You asked me.. why 把昨天 留给我??
Why want yesterday??
Why not today? or tomorrow? or the day after tomorrow?

You probably figured that it had something to do about yesterday,
The day before I wrote that status,
You kept asking, I didn't want to tell you,
Just to keep you curious, haha...

So now, I'll spill it out at here,
Why, why yesterday? no today? or tomorrow?

昨天,
Because we were chatting, so openly,
joking, about what happened, like none of it really affected us,
I fell no distance, no gaps, I felt happy,
I don't know about you, but I surely was really happy,
Thats why 昨天...

And also the times, those sleepless nights of yours,
I would call and we would talk,
and after you rejected me,
we sms-ed, talked about your problems,
those times were really happy for me too,
to be able to listen to your problems,
provide some advice and to be of help to you..
made me feel like I was a part of your life...
I can't really remember did those happen after I posted that status or after..
But now, they are also counted as 昨天..

But now, all those seems so far away,
It feels like, I don't know when,
But we stopped talking,
Sometimes you would find me,
that advice you gave 'minum banyak banyak air oo' did you remember?
I made my day, kept me happy the whole night =) thank you..
The morning on New Year, you asked 'ytd sunway fun mar' I was really happy too,
but now, I don't know,
I keep trying to talk to you, but you seem so busy, so unwilling to talk,
your replies made me felt like I was bothering you, forcing you to talk,
there were times when I was afraid I'm really bothering you and getting on your nerves..

I don't want this friendship to just end like that,
So suddenly, at times I do feel like giving up,
Stop finding or talking to you, but I think that's only going to make it worse,
Or is it actually going to make things better?
I don't know..
I only know I long for the days like before...

I believe that,
Memories are shared between people,
In our case,both of us,
The memories are only whole, when both still have it,
If any one of the party decides to discard it,
Then the memory will no longer be complete, perfect,

Now all those memories are 昨天,
I feel like, I don't know for sure,
That you don't want those memories,
I really enjoyed those times,
That is why, I wrote 把昨天 留给我,
Cause if you really don't want those memories anymore,
Its ok, then you can just 把昨天 留给我 and never have to think about it again =)

Down

I can't believe it,
Tell me I'm dreaming and we are still we,
It was amazing,
Said you were lucky,
That you found me,

It was on a rainy day that we met you didn't have a place to go,
I said we just met, so lets go slow, but no you just told me to keep you from the cold,
Sorry I can't take it,
Why did you fake it?
Why did we kiss?

And I'm just down,
You left me with a note without a sound,
I figured I must stop being such a child,
You never know how much I've been around,
How my heart just frowns if you're down,

I'll be you teddy bear,
I'll be your cloud,
I'll take you round and round and,
If you don't mind, I can be your standing ground,
Even if that means I drown,

It was on a rainy day that we met you didn't have a place to go,
I said we just met, so lets go slow, but no you just told me to keep you from the cold,
Sorry I can't take it,
Why did you fake it?
Why did we kiss?

And I'm just down,
You left me with a note without a sound,
I figured I must stop being such a child,
You never know how much I've been around,
How my heart just frowns if you're down,

I'll be you teddy bear,
I'll be your cloud,
I'll take you round and round and,
If you don't mind, I can be your standing ground,
Even if that means I drown,

And maybe that would be my one last vow....

Do you feel the same? Or am I only dreaming...

Recently, that feeling is back,
Don't know how to describe it,
Maybe its kinda like, that feeling you told me that you had a long time ago,
The feeling that when I didn't find you to chat when I'm online,
Its like a weird feeling, like I don't know what I want or what I'm thinking,
Its very confusing...

Like today,
I didn't know you didn't bring your phone,
I sms-ed you, no reply, I kept checking my phone,
After class I called to ask how am I going to give it to you, no answers,
That feeling, just flows around, and lingers, until Shirley called me back,
And you told me you didn't bring your phone, and then relieve...

What am I thinking? What am I feeling?
At this point..I really wish to know..
What does it feel like and what are the symptoms,
When you like somebody...

Close your eyes
Give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Or am I only dreaming?

2010

Lot has happened in this year..
New experiences..
Important lessons learnt..

Went to National Service, met a lot of new friends,
learnt to live with other people, took heavy responsibilities,
lots of other things..

Started dating for awhile,
Fell in and out of love, and then in again, and then out,
and now what? Hanging? I don't know..
learnt a lot too..
Never hold on too tight, whats yours will always be yours, whats not yours will never be,
Destiny or not destiny? Don't know..never believed in that..
Baby steps, never rush things, this is not a game,
poeple's feelings are involved, let time do its thing..

Started college, total culture shock,
made some bros and friends,
slacked off too much, paid the price,
been placed into a wonderful class with wonderful classmates,
long way to go, with not so much time left..

Became more rude, selfish and insensitive after breaking up,
I noticed and always knew that this is not a good behaviour nor a way to release pent up anger and frustration or feelings,
trying harder and harder to control, its not easy,
but I can make it, just need more time,

New Year Resolutions?
1. Cut slacking and push harder
2. Correct attitude and behaviour
3. Not be hasty, take things slow, 1 step at a time.
4. SURVIVE

Overall 2010 is a year of ups and downs,
just like all the others before it,
will 2011 be better or worst?
I don't know..

Bring it on, all the challenges that awaits,
I'll survive, one way or another,
just like the years before..