My Life

My life..
Wat a life I live..
So damn boring..
So bland..
So routine..
Nearly everyday is the same..
Its like clockwork..

My life..
It also changed a lot..
I used to like holidays..
Be it weekends..
Or long ones..
Where everyday would be filled with activities..
Hanging out..Sports..Movies..

But now..
Seems like everybody's busy..
Tution..
Work..
Its not like before anymore..
Sundays will be spent at home..
Walking about the house aimlessly..
Listening to songs..
All the boring-boring things..

It feels so lonely to be at home..
Eventhough my family's here..
It feels so empty..
Which is why it is worst on weekdays..
When only I'm home alone..
Especially on weekday holidays..
Waking up to find urself all alone..
Not a soul in the house..
Feels so empty..

This all happened when I moved houses..
When I'm still living in my old home..
Yeah..old "Home"..its so much warmer..
But now..its "house"..empty house..
My old home..where I'm nearer to my friends..
Nearer to all the pasar malams'..
Nearer to skool..
Nearer to the badminton court..
Nearer to the football field..
Nearer to the mamak stall..
Which all now seems so distant..
From where I live now..

But here..in my new house..
I am closer to some friends..
I am also can play football here with new friends..
I am also hav a nearby 24 hour restaurant..
I am also closer to my tution centre..
I am also closer to my relative's home..
But its never the same compared to my old home..

I miss it so much..
Eventhough its smaller compared to my house now..
Eventhough its uglier than my house now..
Eventhough it doesen't have guards compared to my house noe..
Eventhough I have to share rooms with my uncle..
At least its warm..
Warmer to how I feel living here now..
All the memories there..
I practically grew up living there..
My childhood friends..
My playground..
All there...

The only thing I enjoy living here right now..
Is the long walks to anywhere..
To skool..
To play football with old friends..
To the badminton court..
To Brem Mall..
To my grandparents home..

Yeah..
The long walks..
I enjoy it..
Walking for abt 45-30 mins..
All alone..
Listening to songs on my phone..
Feeling the wind..
Feeling the raindrops..
Feeling the warm sun..
It seems like sometimes..
My mood just matches the song..
It like my mood is synchronised with the songs..

Sometimes also..
It seems like the weather matches with my mood..
Sometimes..
The warm sun shines..
When I'm feeling good..
Sometimes..
The wind blows..
When I'm feeling moody or don't know how I feel..its hard to describe..
The rain pours..
When I'm feeling down..
Not only does the weather matches my mood..
But matches the songs also..
Especially the meaning of the song..
The lyrics..
The feel that the song gives out..

Mayb..
My life is destined to be lonely..
Mayb..
I'm meant to live in solitude..
Mayb..

But..
One thing is for sure..
I'm at my happiest when I'm with my friends..
Chatting..
Playing..
Bullshitting..XDXD
Gossiping..
Footballing..
Bowling..
Batminton-ing..
What ever-ing..
Doing nothing..
Yeah..
Even if I'm doing nothing with my friends..
I'm happy..

Without them..
What would I do?
Especially my 'heng dai's
My best friends..
My friends..
My classmates..
My friends from camp..
My close friends..
Yeah..
All those friends..

I sure hope our friendship lasts forever..
You all are the very reason that I don't feel lonely..
When I'm not with you all..
It feels like I'm the only person in the world..
Lonely..
Gu dan..
Solitary..
The world is black and white..
But with you all..
Yeah..
With you all..
Seems like life is full of colours..

So much has changed in my life..
Friends come and go..
Change houses..
Changed football fields..
I've experienced so many things..
Even things that I thought will never happen to me..
Love..
Camps..
Seminars..
And many other events..

There are also many regrets in my life..
Sometimes..I just wish I could rewind life..
Undo all the wrongs..
Correct things..
But I guess its never gonna happen..

I rili missed life before I moved house..
But there are also things that happened here..
Or could not possibly have happened if I did not move..
In my new house that I'm happy about..

Sometimes..
I miss my life in primary skool..
So carefree..
Play..
Play..
And play..
No homework..
No responsobilities..
No pressure..
I sometimes wish I will never have to go to middle skool..

But..
Here..in middle skool..
I met many new friends..
Learned many new things..
Experienced many things..
Felt many feelings..
Thought about a lot of things..

Sometimes..
I wish I can remain in the past..
Sometimes..
I wish I can move on to the future..
Its making me go crazy..

My life..
As a teenager..
All those crazy things that happened..
All those memorable events..
All those beautiful memories..
All those feelings..
All those thoughts..
All those sights..
All those sounds..
All those people that walked in and out of my life..
Has changed me..
I learned to care..
I learned to love..
I learned to protect..
I learned to appreciate..
I learned to live..

Sometimes..
I hate my life..
Sometimes..
I love my life..
Its also making me go crazy..

Sometimes..
I don't knoe..
If I'm living life..
Or just barely surviving..
All the pressure..
All the expactations..
All the responsobilities..
Its all making me very tired..
Tired of life..
But..
My friends..
My feelings..
My thoughts..
It makes me appreciate my life..
I don't knoe whether I hate or love my life..

Sometimes..
I just wish..
I can walk away..
While listening to songs from my phone..
Just keep on walking..
Leave everything behind..
Leave the pressures of life..
Leave all the responsobilities..
And keep on walking..
Never to come back..

But then..
I would have to leave my friends behind..
I would never want to do that..
But mayb..
Mayb just one day..
I might have to leave it all behind..
Including my friends..
And walk away..
Never to comeback..
Ever again..