很爱过

谢谢你从来没有觉得我不够好
谢谢你守护我的每一分每一秒
谢谢当天塌下来 你也会帮我顶着
冰的固执 水才会懂
终於让时间回过头来笑我们傻
但暴雨都要淋过才能逼得人成长
没有地久没有天长 没有最美的花
只有遗忘 能让眼泪流光
很爱过 很痛过 我们为了彼此而活过
我爱你 拥抱着你 却让你看不见星空
我们都 没有错 没有谁比较寂寞
你的世界早已经不是以前

也许以后再也没人比你更爱我
也许以后我也不可能再那样活
每当想起你的时候 快乐都比较多
也许快乐 是时间的幽默
很爱过 很痛过 我们为了彼此而活过
我爱你 拥抱着你 却让你看不见星空
我们都 没有错 没有谁比较寂寞
你的世界早已经不是以前
多少天 多少夜 爱一个人很难 爱自己更难
清晨醒来所有美梦都不见
很爱过 很痛过 我们为了彼此而活过
我爱你 拥抱着你 却让你看不见星空
我们都 没有错 没有谁比较寂寞
你的世界早已经不是以前

Metamorphosis

I can feel I changed a lot since that day,

A lot of thing has changed as well,

I'm not who I'm used to be,

You are not who you used to be,

I hate us now, but I know we can't bring the past back,

At least you're living a happy life now,

It doesn't really matter I'm stuck,

Well, you used to care, but its obvious you don't anymore..

Life has been terribly difficult,

Emo nights missing you,

Days with bad mood,

my luck seems to have changed for the worse too,

I even have difficulty deciding whether to go to the coming class trip..

I don't know what has happened between us,

We can't just seem to be friends back like other couples who broke up,

But you seem to be okay with it, that you don't really care,

Maybe its just my problem..

Things will never ever be the same..

Unfair

Sometimes, life is just very unfair...
People can do whatever they want, but you can't...
People make decisions that affect you, without giving you a damn..
But all you can do...
Is keep moving on, don't let all those things affect you,
carry on marching forward, towards a better day...

You can never stop the rain by complaining...

One Week

It has been a week,
Its feels like longer though,
Not really easy for me...

Are you?

Somehow I have a feeling like you are avoiding me..
Is it true?
If yes, how are we going to be friends back??
I hope its just that I'm thinking too much..
If it is real, I also don't know what to do, coz I'm confused...

Final Act of Love

It is clear to me what is your wish and decision..
I cannot guarantee I can fulfill each and every of the terms..
But I can guarantee you the main term will be accomplished..

I might still be in love with you for a long time to come,
Or maybe even forget it as fast as the next day,
But rest assured it will not be known, it will only be known to me,
I could not promise to say I will love you forever and wait for you till the end of time,
Because I am only human, a weak one with strong feelings,
But please know that I have loved you deeply..

Is this my final act of love?
Maybe, I think so,
But still I cannot be 100% sure..
As you always say, we wont know what will happen in the future,
There might be some twists of fate that might one day bring us back together,
But all these we could not be sure..

You can go and live the live you've always wanted now,
And I can start rebuilding mine
I will not bother you again, nor make you feel bad nor sad.
That is my promise to myself. One I hope I can honour.

All good things must come to an end...

I guess this is the end then..
I hoped for the opposite, but you're not in the same opinion..
So I guess we can't be together anymore..

Honestly,
Its all so sudden and came as a shock to me..
Just a few days before we were watching Mr.Popper's Penguins happily..
Den on Saturday you mentioned it..
I tried to hope for the best, hope it was just a phase you're going through, but it turned out otherwise..
In my heart..when I read that message, the preparations are already made..
Eventhough we agreed to solve this once your account test ends, but sorry, I'm not strong enough..
During that period before today, I was in disarray, I had no appetite, I had difficulties sleeping..
the reason I went to karaoke with my friends was because I was too unhappy at home..
On Sunday afternoon, i can't take it anymore, I cried, I feel like my whole world came crashing down.. I then told Yu Pei and Jing Ying and in the night I told Xin Di.. to see if they have a clue of whats happening.. or can tell me what to do..I seem so lost..

Today,
I tried to be happy and normal, I din receive message from you saying that you reach college like normal..I got worried so I went to canteen 1 to check, you were there.. I asked you why you din send me sms.. U said you forgotten and you also just informed mami.. I don't know whether true or not.
During the break I though of our memories together, tears flowed..
Then I talked to Yu Pei and Winnie about it, the tears flowed again..
I had a hard time trying to hold on, I then decided to settle this today..
During the time you, Aki and Peki was discussing, my tears flowed again..

Honestly, I dont know why wont you discuss things with me..I was disappointed
It was our relationship afterall, and we should talk and try to settle things out..
Not that I dont allow you to discuss with other people, just that I fell we need to talk face to face as well..

But its ok now, Its all over..
Tears are still flowing,
Sorry I'm not as strong as you,
Just want you to know that I really care about and love you..
Truly, Deeply from my Heart..

My World..came crashing down..

In relationships..there are always hard times..
Times when you feel like giving up..
Times when you've almost break up with you loved one..
These hard times are the test of the strength of relationships..
Sometimes failure in this test does not mean the end of the relationship..

Maybe after breaking up.. Only will we find out that we do need each other..
Because sometimes, you wont appreciate what you have until you've lost it..

Now it is a hard time for us..
We are in the middle of the tunnel..
Will we see the light at the end of the tunnel hand in hand..
Or will we both be at different ends of the tunnel.. walking different paths..

IF we were to walk on different paths..
Will we cross paths someday?

Unhappy Times

Haven't really been feeling happy for the past few weeks..
Where has the happy gone to?
Always feeling emo..
Always feeling lonely..
Always dont feel like doing anything..
Doesnt feel like me anymore...

Things are always not going smoothly..
Lots of resistance..
Lots of pressure..

Sometimes, I just feel so tired...

Bad Day

Thanks for ruining everything..
Hate you...
stupid..

Tick Tock

Tick Tock..
Tick Tock..
Tick Tock..

The hour draws near..

Tick Tock..
Tick Tock..
Tick Tock..

Will I survive?

Save me...

You've walked too far to turn back..
Time is slipping..
You had all the time you need to do what is necessary..
Yet you did not do enough..
And now here you are..
Sunlight draws closer..
Your heart pounds..
FAILURE, your biggest FEAR, eating away at you..
Words of comfort and support, helps a little, filling the worry inside..
Less than 10 hours left..

SAVE ME.....

Bliss

That cozy living room..
Those horror movies..
That comfy sofa..
That cup of 100 plus..
That bowl of fruit salad..
That packet of snack..
That cone of ice-cream..

Happiness..
You can see it in my eyes..
Did you?
I bet not...
So I'm telling you now..
I am happy during that time =)

Regret

Why do I always have to be like this??
When will I ever learn??
When will I ever change??

Stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid...

Misunderstood..

Why is it that sometimes I am rather easily misunderstood?
Sometimes I'm just saying something but people think that I am angry..
Maybe its something to do with my deep voice?
When I speak softly..its like no sound will come out..
But when I speak up a bit.. people will think I'm angry..

But that's ok...

You know when it is bad,
When you are just typing what you want to say,
And people still think you are angry,
Although you are not even using caps lock..
==
FML..

I don't normally care about these things.
Maybe the pressure is finally setting in...
I never thought this would happen to me..
But maybe its finally happening..
I hope it'll be gone soon..
Cause I'll crack under pressure..

How now?

Trials already..results still like this...
How to go to U?
Maybe A-Levels was really a wrong choice?
Or is it that I am not working hard enough?
This time sure die liao..
Only one month left...
Can I make it?
Haiz... I don't know..
Seriously don't know....
How now?

One Month...

Do you know what day it is today?
Today is our first month together..
I know..nobody celebrates months..
But I just want you to know that this 1 month for me..is very happy..

I know we are both busy with studies and exams..
But I'm happy that we managed to find time to spend with each other..
We don't need to go on dates often..but small things like the time we spent together in the car, eating lunch or studying together is also satisfying enough...

I hope this relationship will get better and stronger as time pass.. :)
Love you~ <3

Post V-Day

This video is something that I made because I felt like it..
You can tell me to remove it if you don't want to see this on the web..
I know it's not Valentine anymore, its because I did not have the chance to make this video before this..
I failed to get you what you wanted for Valentine and now I posted a late video.
Sorry, I'm such a failure >.<

Valentine's Day

我無法幫妳預言
求委曲全有沒有用
可是我多麼不捨
朋友愛的那麼苦痛
愛可以不問對錯
至少要喜悅感動
如果他總為別人撐傘
妳何苦非為他等在雨中

泡咖啡讓妳暖手
想擋擋妳心口裡的風
妳卻想上街走走
吹吹冷風會清醒的多
妳說妳不怕分手
只有一點遺憾難過
情人節就要來了 剩自己一個
其實愛對了人 情人節每天都過

分手快樂　祝妳快樂
妳可以找到更好的
不想過冬　厭倦沉重
就飛去熱帶的島嶼游泳

分手快樂　請妳快樂
揮別錯的才能和對的相逢
離開舊愛　像坐慢車
看透徹了心就會是晴朗的

沒人能把誰的幸福沒收
妳發誓妳會活的有笑容

妳自信時候真的美多了

No one can force anyone if there is no feel..
No one can take away another person's happiness..
Happy Valentine's Day =)

Life~

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced , successful life. i used the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. there is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun driving in a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you will may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?

It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in a couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, Enjoy with your friends, fall in love, little fights with your loved Ones. We are people, not programmed devices.

Don't be serious, be sincere

- Chetan Bhagat -

Caring

What is your definition of it?
For me, it simply means, well, caring for a person.. be it family,friends, or that special someone..
Caring for someone doesn't mean you have to tell the whole world about it, do it every single day, or only care when there are big matters..

For me, caring means, talking to that person, wanting to know more about him/her,
Helping that person in any way that I can, talking to them about their problems,
Asking them how did their day go, asking them whenever I know they are unhappy,
Giving advice when they need it, Or just talk to them and give them confidence and re-assurance when they are insecure or in doubt...

Do you have somebody that cares for you? I did once, my ex,
The way she cared for me made me feel so loved..
She would ask me how my day went every night, she would re-assure and give me confidence whenever I am in doubt..

She is also one of the person that understands me the most,
She can tell my mood just by reading my sms-es or the way I structure my sentences on msn
Maybe that's why she came into my life.. To teach me how to care for a person..

Now that we went our separate ways..
Maybe its time to apply what I've learned in my life..

......

Sum Mendax Agitabatur

It was meant to be a joke..
Never thought everyone would take it so seriously..
And I've taken it a step further..by getting deeper and deeper into it..

This is not the first time this has happened..
Its happen before..
But I hope it will never happen again..

The plus point of all these are that I know that they all really care,
Or are curious enough to want to know why..

I'm sorry guys..
Its just a part of me that I have failed to get rid of..yet..
Its things like these that make me want to erase myself from existance and just dissapear into the abyss..

安静了 Silenced

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
I'm left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属于我们的婚礼
The wedding I've dreamt for us

却成了单人结婚进行曲
Has become a solo wedding march

在这场爱情较力的拔河里
In this tug-of-war of love,

爱我还是爱你
Will you love me or yourself?

你选择了自己
You chose yourself

撒娇的可爱的
Childish adorable

粘人的爱哭的
Clingy crybaby

照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
[The person] in the photos is everything you once loved

如今我还在原地
Now I remain at the starting point

你却走回你的记忆
Yet you went back to your memories

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
You said I love you too much, you're almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
You said I give you too much, but you cant give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
Cant tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
Silence is my last act of kindness because I love you so

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
I'm left standing here with the piano beside me

梦想中属於我们的婚礼
The wedding I've dreamt for us

安静了在我枕边的梦里
Was silenced in the dreams of the person beside me

我知道相爱原本就不容易
I know loving someone isn't easy to begin with

爱不是一加一
Love is not one plus one

努力就有结局
[Where] hard work guarantees a happy ending

撒娇的可爱的
Childish adorable

粘人的爱哭的
Clingy crybaby

照片里曾经的都是爱着你的
[The person] in the photo once loved you

脸颊的泪还温热
The tears on my cheeks are still warm

却没有人握我的手
But no one is here to hold my hand

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
You said I love you too much, you're almost drowning

你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
You fear happiness is only for an instant, that it will fall apart in a second

分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
Separation is a release; it will make you think

我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
Whether you can give me the happiness I want

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
You said I give you too much, but you cant give back

分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
Cant tell passion, commitment, eternity and infatuation apart

爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
Love is a wound, we bear the pain on our own

沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
Silence is my last act of kindness because I love you so....

This sucks...

Stop treating me like a little boy,
I'm not a kid anymore,
All I wanted was to go out and have dinner with friends, classmates,
What is so bad about that?
It's not like I always do that on weekdays,
Whenever I want to go out with college classmates Wei Jiu always has to be there?
Do you think he's so good?
He goes out till early morning, and also skip classes,
DO YOU KNOW THAT?!
Stop treating me like a little kid,
If I really want o go out you think I can't?
Its really easy for me to go anywhere since I have the car keys
I can just drive out early morning to anywhere I want to go and never go to college,
I can just go anywhere after class and come back late and tell you I have meetings,
But did I ever did that?
I respected you,
That's why I didn't do it,
Come on, I'm in college now,
I have a social life,
This is the 21st century, things are not the way they are like in your time,
Please accept that...

I'm sick and tired of this...
No dinner or coming out of my room unless its absolutely necessary,
Don't blame me if in the future I don't have friends anymore.

把昨天 留给我

Do you remember? Once upon a time,
You asked me.. why 把昨天 留给我??
Why want yesterday??
Why not today? or tomorrow? or the day after tomorrow?

You probably figured that it had something to do about yesterday,
The day before I wrote that status,
You kept asking, I didn't want to tell you,
Just to keep you curious, haha...

So now, I'll spill it out at here,
Why, why yesterday? no today? or tomorrow?

昨天,
Because we were chatting, so openly,
joking, about what happened, like none of it really affected us,
I fell no distance, no gaps, I felt happy,
I don't know about you, but I surely was really happy,
Thats why 昨天...

And also the times, those sleepless nights of yours,
I would call and we would talk,
and after you rejected me,
we sms-ed, talked about your problems,
those times were really happy for me too,
to be able to listen to your problems,
provide some advice and to be of help to you..
made me feel like I was a part of your life...
I can't really remember did those happen after I posted that status or after..
But now, they are also counted as 昨天..

But now, all those seems so far away,
It feels like, I don't know when,
But we stopped talking,
Sometimes you would find me,
that advice you gave 'minum banyak banyak air oo' did you remember?
I made my day, kept me happy the whole night =) thank you..
The morning on New Year, you asked 'ytd sunway fun mar' I was really happy too,
but now, I don't know,
I keep trying to talk to you, but you seem so busy, so unwilling to talk,
your replies made me felt like I was bothering you, forcing you to talk,
there were times when I was afraid I'm really bothering you and getting on your nerves..

I don't want this friendship to just end like that,
So suddenly, at times I do feel like giving up,
Stop finding or talking to you, but I think that's only going to make it worse,
Or is it actually going to make things better?
I don't know..
I only know I long for the days like before...

I believe that,
Memories are shared between people,
In our case,both of us,
The memories are only whole, when both still have it,
If any one of the party decides to discard it,
Then the memory will no longer be complete, perfect,

Now all those memories are 昨天,
I feel like, I don't know for sure,
That you don't want those memories,
I really enjoyed those times,
That is why, I wrote 把昨天 留给我,
Cause if you really don't want those memories anymore,
Its ok, then you can just 把昨天 留给我 and never have to think about it again =)

Down

I can't believe it,
Tell me I'm dreaming and we are still we,
It was amazing,
Said you were lucky,
That you found me,

It was on a rainy day that we met you didn't have a place to go,
I said we just met, so lets go slow, but no you just told me to keep you from the cold,
Sorry I can't take it,
Why did you fake it?
Why did we kiss?

And I'm just down,
You left me with a note without a sound,
I figured I must stop being such a child,
You never know how much I've been around,
How my heart just frowns if you're down,

I'll be you teddy bear,
I'll be your cloud,
I'll take you round and round and,
If you don't mind, I can be your standing ground,
Even if that means I drown,

It was on a rainy day that we met you didn't have a place to go,
I said we just met, so lets go slow, but no you just told me to keep you from the cold,
Sorry I can't take it,
Why did you fake it?
Why did we kiss?

And I'm just down,
You left me with a note without a sound,
I figured I must stop being such a child,
You never know how much I've been around,
How my heart just frowns if you're down,

I'll be you teddy bear,
I'll be your cloud,
I'll take you round and round and,
If you don't mind, I can be your standing ground,
Even if that means I drown,

And maybe that would be my one last vow....

Do you feel the same? Or am I only dreaming...

Recently, that feeling is back,
Don't know how to describe it,
Maybe its kinda like, that feeling you told me that you had a long time ago,
The feeling that when I didn't find you to chat when I'm online,
Its like a weird feeling, like I don't know what I want or what I'm thinking,
Its very confusing...

Like today,
I didn't know you didn't bring your phone,
I sms-ed you, no reply, I kept checking my phone,
After class I called to ask how am I going to give it to you, no answers,
That feeling, just flows around, and lingers, until Shirley called me back,
And you told me you didn't bring your phone, and then relieve...

What am I thinking? What am I feeling?
At this point..I really wish to know..
What does it feel like and what are the symptoms,
When you like somebody...

Close your eyes
Give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Or am I only dreaming?

2010

Lot has happened in this year..
New experiences..
Important lessons learnt..

Went to National Service, met a lot of new friends,
learnt to live with other people, took heavy responsibilities,
lots of other things..

Started dating for awhile,
Fell in and out of love, and then in again, and then out,
and now what? Hanging? I don't know..
learnt a lot too..
Never hold on too tight, whats yours will always be yours, whats not yours will never be,
Destiny or not destiny? Don't know..never believed in that..
Baby steps, never rush things, this is not a game,
poeple's feelings are involved, let time do its thing..

Started college, total culture shock,
made some bros and friends,
slacked off too much, paid the price,
been placed into a wonderful class with wonderful classmates,
long way to go, with not so much time left..

Became more rude, selfish and insensitive after breaking up,
I noticed and always knew that this is not a good behaviour nor a way to release pent up anger and frustration or feelings,
trying harder and harder to control, its not easy,
but I can make it, just need more time,

New Year Resolutions?
1. Cut slacking and push harder
2. Correct attitude and behaviour
3. Not be hasty, take things slow, 1 step at a time.
4. SURVIVE

Overall 2010 is a year of ups and downs,
just like all the others before it,
will 2011 be better or worst?
I don't know..

Bring it on, all the challenges that awaits,
I'll survive, one way or another,
just like the years before..